I’m sorry. I know it is incredibly inconvenient that the clocks have changed and you are forced to rise from your pit an hour early. I will have a word with the government and see if we can fix this. Oh, and I apologize for the green mark on your face, could it be from the green marker you scribbled on your hand last night? No? Well, of course not, my fault.
I am sorry you don’t have any clean underwear this morning. Borrow your sisters…no, I don’t think cooties grow that far down on her body – you should be safe….
I’m sorry – you cannot sleep today. I need you to transform black beans and ground turkey into a feast by tonight. Get going….no, I don’t know what you should transform them into – do I look like Emeril Lagasse? Does anyone?
I’m sorry – I should have told you I love you. I didn’t know you would die that night or I would have, because I do…love you.